However that trust is gradually fading. At the start of this year, he asked for a sum of money which I lent without much hestitations as usually. This time around, he broke his promise of returning it to be on the date he appointed. I waited a week before I sent a gentle reminder. No reply. Another week past and I sent another SMS. Still, no reply. This went on for another 2 weeks, which made up one whole month. Eventually, after over a month, he sent me an SMS informing me that he has transferred the money back to me.
I wasn't very pleased, of course. But what can I do? At least the money's back. But when he wanted to borrow some money again recently, I was caught in a dilemma. Below illustrates my plight.
Why should I lend it to him
- The fear of him playing me out is highly possible
- It's not a large sum, or at least if I were to compare with his other borrowings
- Once bitten, twice shy?
- He wouldn't want to jeopardize our friendship
- I don't want to jeopardize our friendship by refusing
- I'd rather he turn to me then to commit crimes
- The mistrust makes it harder to agree
- This financial dependence on me is not healthy
- I dread his SMS-es nowadays
My final decision? I said no. And as much as he was understanding, dissonace started to fill my mind. Gulit, disappoinment, regret. But guilt mostly. Though it's not a large sum that I could readily agree to, I just couldn't. A friend in need is a friend indeed. So am I not a friend by rejecting his cry for help this time?
I justify my dissonace by reinforcing the reasons for not lending the money to him. Hopefully with time, the gulit and regret I'm feeling will fade. But as of now, I feel like I've betrayed a friend.
This is the hardest post-decisional dissonace experience yet.
4 comments:
But I tell you not to resist an evil person. But whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also. If anyone wants to sue you and take away your tunic, let him have your cloak also. And whoever compels you to go one mile, go with him two. Give to him who asks you, and from him who wants to borrow from you do not turn away.
Matthew 5:38-42
this is a difficult teaching that i'm still trying to understand, but surely, if it's written, it's do-able.
Well... Money matters are always difficult to judge. For me, I'll always lend the money if i can. Not that I am kind, but for selfish reasons.
As long as i do my part as a friend to lend money to a friend in need, I've fufiled my 'duties'. And if they don't repay, the only thing i will lose is money. And if they pay up, i've gain another friend.
Wan Xin
Perhaps this one time he did not manage to save up fast enough to return to you. But well, I never had much of a good opinion about those who are habitual borrowers. So I probably wouldn't lend him the money either. Some principles are difficult to bend, especially those associated with money.
Hmmn... i guess you really did do the right thing, you should not have to reinforce yourself with reason to make yourself feel better. My guess it that your friend has grown complacent and had grown to take advantage of your trust in that he knowns you will not be hurt or anything when he doesn't give to back the money or he can take his own sweet time to give you the money. My bet is still you did the right thing
Post a Comment