However that trust is gradually fading. At the start of this year, he asked for a sum of money which I lent without much hestitations as usually. This time around, he broke his promise of returning it to be on the date he appointed. I waited a week before I sent a gentle reminder. No reply. Another week past and I sent another SMS. Still, no reply. This went on for another 2 weeks, which made up one whole month. Eventually, after over a month, he sent me an SMS informing me that he has transferred the money back to me.
I wasn't very pleased, of course. But what can I do? At least the money's back. But when he wanted to borrow some money again recently, I was caught in a dilemma. Below illustrates my plight.
Why should I lend it to him
- The fear of him playing me out is highly possible
- It's not a large sum, or at least if I were to compare with his other borrowings
- Once bitten, twice shy?
- He wouldn't want to jeopardize our friendship
- I don't want to jeopardize our friendship by refusing
- I'd rather he turn to me then to commit crimes
- The mistrust makes it harder to agree
- This financial dependence on me is not healthy
- I dread his SMS-es nowadays
My final decision? I said no. And as much as he was understanding, dissonace started to fill my mind. Gulit, disappoinment, regret. But guilt mostly. Though it's not a large sum that I could readily agree to, I just couldn't. A friend in need is a friend indeed. So am I not a friend by rejecting his cry for help this time?
I justify my dissonace by reinforcing the reasons for not lending the money to him. Hopefully with time, the gulit and regret I'm feeling will fade. But as of now, I feel like I've betrayed a friend.
This is the hardest post-decisional dissonace experience yet.
